These conversations make us question our identity and we worry they will impact our self-image and self-esteem. We begin an internal debate wondering if we came across as competent or incompetent, good or bad, unlovable or lovable. Finally, we have the identity conversation which is the conversation we have with ourselves about what the situation means to us. So when Jack and Michael acknowledged that they were under tremendous pressure, they were feeling anxiety but they failed to directly address that in the conversation. They may even wonder if they have hurt the other person’s feelings. They wonder if their feelings should be acknowledged or pushed aside. Every difficult conversation involves people wondering if their feelings are valid. These are the interactions we put off all the time and wonder if we should say anything at all. And there are even everyday life conversations that cause us great anxiety as well: returning merchandise without a receipt, asking your secretary to do some photocopying, or simply telling someone to take off their shoes in your home. Or maybe you want to tell your father how much you love him, but fear the intimacy might make you both feel awkward. Perhaps a project you’re working on will take twice as long as you told the client it would. Or maybe you overheard your mother-in-law telling a neighbor that your sons are spoiled and undisciplined. We’ve likely had a conversation similar to one of the following scenarios: One of the senior engineers at your company, an old friend, has become a liability and management has picked you to fire him. However, difficult conversations aren’t limited to these topics instead, anytime we feel vulnerable, we open ourselves up to experience a difficult conversation. And each day, we either face them head-on or avoid them the same we avoid our exes in public! When it comes to sexuality, race, gender, politics, and religion, these topics are difficult for many of us and we feel awkward and uncomfortable. Whether you’re asking for a raise, ending a relationship, or even apologizing to someone you love, we are faced with difficult conversations every day.
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